If traditional “honor and obey” wedding vows are not your cup of tea, there are many other ways to say yes and make your promises. These examples below of non-traditional wedding “I do” vows offer a more personal, flexible way to make your promises without having to write long vows from scratch.
“I do” questions are especially helpful for couples who want something meaningful, but do not love the idea of reading long personal vows out loud in front of everyone they have ever known. Instead of writing full personal vows, you can choose a hearty handful of questions that still feel honest, intimate, and potent.
The first section contains myriad “I do” type vows. Further down, you’ll find some values-based vows, which I discovered elsewhere (the link no longer exists) and can be adapted as “Do you” options. Finally, I’ve included some “We will” vows for couples who want to answer together. Feel free to use one, borrow several, mix and match, or treat them as inspiration for writing your own.
WANT HELP WRITING VOWS THAT SOUND LIKE YOU?
If you’re writing your own personal vows, my vow-writing guide, Not Your Mama’s Wedding Vows, is full of prompts and examples to help you get past the blank page and write something honest, personal, and not painfully generic.
You can replace “Do you…” with “Will you…” and to interchange words like vow, promise, commit, or pledge. I once heard a groom say, “These are not so much promises as privileges,” which is such a sweet context.
Also, keep in mind that in most states, answering a statement of intent is the only legal requirement in the wedding ceremony. An “I do” question can function as that statement of intent, so your “Heck yeah, I do!” may as well be in response to a question you actually love.
Non-Traditional Wedding “I Do” Vow Questions
Do you promise to discover {his/her/their} hidden beauties, and be a gentle steward of {his/her/their} heart?
Do you promise to use what you learn about {him/her/them} – not as a weapon – but as a way to understand them better?
Do you promise to trust {him/her/them} with your feelings and to be trustworthy with {his/her/their} feelings?
Do you promise that although you might mess up on a regular basis, occasionally, you’ll admit it when you do?
Do you promise to love, honor, aid and abet?
Do you promise to place your love for one another and the commitment you’re making today at the center of your lives?
Do you _____ choose _____ to be your partner in life, to support and respect {him/her/them} in {his/her/their} successes as well {his/her/their} failures, to care for {him/her/them} in sickness and in health, to nurture {him/her/them}, and to grow with {him/her/them} throughout the seasons of your life together?
Do you promise to remember and revivify the qualities and experiences that made you choose one another if/when you forget them?
Do you promise to choose kindness, commitment and compromise when your habitual response might otherwise be to contract, defend, shut down or withdraw?
Do you promise to orient what’s good between you and find things to be grateful for especially during times of challenge, conflict or breakdown?
Do you promise to put in the work, be impeccable with your word, courageous with your explorations, and unflinching with your love?
Do you promise to push {him/her/them} out of their comfort zone while always respecting their boundaries?
Do you give {him/her/them} your hand and your heart as a sanctuary of warmth and peace, and do you pledge your love, faith, kindness and devotion, as you join your life to {his/hers/their?}
Do you promise to create a relationship that’s grounded in mutual respect, compassion, generosity, and patience?
Do you promise to recognize each other’s individuality and celebrate each other’s uniqueness as a good, beautiful and necessary part of your marriage?
Do you promise to keep {him/her/them} as your favorite person — to laugh with them, go on adventures with them, support them through life’s tough moments, be proud of them, grow old with them, and find new reasons to love them every day?
Values Based Wedding Vows
1. The value: Equality
“I promise to engage as an equal partner in every aspect of the life we are creating together, to share joys, sorrows, victories and the hard work that building a life together requires.”
2. The value: Inclusion
“I vow to honor our relationship as a haven of acceptance and belonging for you and for others.”
3. The value: Integrity
“I vow to bring my strongest self to this relationship, to act with integrity, honesty, and fearless authenticity.”
4. The value: Adventure
“I promise to travel to the edge with you, to seek a life that is thrilling, and to cherish the excitement of the unknown in adventures both near and far.”
5. The value: Intimacy
“I vow to reveal myself fully to you, to share an unfiltered journey of love and connection.”
6. The value: The Gifts of Imperfection
“I vow to become a life-long student of loving relationships, to hold our imperfect selves with humor and kindness, knowing that our mistakes will provide us our best learning, some of our deepest connection, and laughter for life.”
7. The value: Independence
“I promise to be a guardian of your independent spirit, to encourage your freedom, and to offer spaciousness to your soul.”
8. The value: Mindfulness
“I promise to pay loving attention to you and the life we are creating, to act with compassion and to live in a way that honors the interconnection of all beings.”
9. The value: Creativity
“I vow to champion your dreams, to believe in you, and to support you in the creative endeavors that make your heart sing.”
You can easily turn any of the above vows into “Do you” questions. For example: “Do you promise to engage as an equal partner in every aspect of the life you are creating together, to share joys, sorrows, victories and the hard work that building a life together requires?”
“We Do” or “We Will” Vow Questions
Will you create and hold a safe space for one another to be vulnerable so that each of you may grow into your truest selves? (We will/We do)
Will you promise to see the world with equanimity, understanding, and without judgment, while respecting each other’s perspectives?
Will you cultivate curiosity and foster positivity in your union with the intention of eliminating delusion and negativity from your own minds and from your relationship?
Will you engage, invite, and create space for your loved ones in your lives and in your hearts?
Will you cherish each other, preserving and enriching your affection for one another every day?
Will you maintain your connection by inviting communication freely, openly and often?
Will you remember to encourage and support each other, to take risks in life and in your relationship?
Will you turn to each other, when faced with challenges, collaborate with each other and be a team, and stand up for one another when needed?
Will you preserve your friendship by infusing it with laughter, energy and adventure?
Will you cultivate patience, kindness, compassion and generosity in your relationship so that you can in turn offer these gifts to all those around you?
Want to write your own wedding vows?
If you are skipping the “I dos” and writing personal wedding vows instead, you might like my vow-writing guide, Not Your Mama’s Wedding Vows. I’ve used this guide with hundreds of couples, and they are designed to help you write vows that sound like you.
And if you’re writing more than just the vows — especially if a friend or family member is officiating — I also offer wedding ceremony consulting to help with ceremony flow, readings, ritual ideas, and content.