Wedding Vow Coaching
Help writing wedding vows that sound like you, say what you actually mean, and feel worthy of the moment.
If the ceremony is the heart and soul of the wedding day, then the vows are pretty near close to the heart and soul of the ceremony.
It is one thing to feel all the deep feelings about your partner and your commitment. Getting those feelings onto paper is something else entirely.
Some people sit down to write and have no idea where to begin. Some have plenty to say but cannot figure out what belongs in the vows and what belongs somewhere else. And the more verbose among us may end up with pages and pages and pages.
(Tip: that is too much.)
I hear versions of these questions all the time:
• What do I actually write about?
• How long should my vows be?
• Should we follow the same format?
• What if mine sound completely different from my partner’s?
• Do I have to memorize them?
• Can I talk about the hard parts of our relationship?
• Do vows have to be all unicorns and rainbows?
• Do I actually have to make promises?
• How personal is too personal?
What Vow Coaching Looks Like
Vow coaching gives you another person in the room who knows what makes vows work, knows what questions to ask, and can help you find the thread when you have ten different things you are trying to say at once.
Sometimes we start from nothing. Sometimes you already have a rough draft. Sometimes you have three pages that need to become one.
I can help you figure out the shape of the vows, find the stories or details that actually belong there, make sure the promises have some substance, and refine the language without sanding away your voice.
I am not interested in turning your vows into something polished and generic. They should sound like you. They should also be speakable, well-shaped, and able to hold the significance of what you are promising.
“I don’t think I can tell you how profound this experience has been. I thought that getting some promises on paper was impactful, but choosing words to describe my relationship with my partner and what he brings to my life has been powerful beyond what I imagined. Thanks for sharing your vow wisdom and the push to dig a bit deeper.”
— Bride
How Much Help Do You Need?
Often, one hour is enough to get clear on what you want to say, find a structure, and get you writing. Sometimes people come back with a draft and want another round of help shaping or editing it. We can work with what you need.
If you already have vows written, you are also welcome to send them ahead of time so we can use our time well.
Wedding vow coaching is $125/hour.
Prefer to Do It Yourself?
If you mostly need a framework to get started, I also created Not Your Mama’s Wedding Vows: A Step-by-Step Framework for Writing Your Wedding Vows with a fellow ceremonialist.
Get the vow-writing guide on Etsy.
The guide gives you prompts and a structure to work with on your own. If you get partway through and realize you still want another human involved, that is exactly what vow coaching is for.
Need Help With the Whole Ceremony?
If the vows are only one piece of what you are working on, I also offer Wedding Ceremony Consulting for couples creating their own ceremony or working with a friend or family member officiant. We can work on the overall arc, wording, readings, ritual, flow, and all the other pieces that help the ceremony actually hold the moment.
Ready to Work on Your Vows?
If you would like another pair of eyes, some good questions, help finding the words, or someone willing to tell you that three pages is perhaps a touch ambitious, I’d be glad to help.